A Tender Oblivion
Vocals: Chihara Minori
Lyrics: Hata Aki
Composition: Ito Masumi
Arrangement: Nijine
Original Lyrics: Tanigawa Nagaru
Nozomu koto wa nani?
Watashi ga toikakeru
Nani mo iranai uso de wa nakatta
Kieru sekai ni mo
Watashi no basho ga aru
Sore o shiranai jibun de sae mo
Tojikometa ishiki wa
Toki o musubi
Negai o kurikaesu
Mata au made wasurenaide
Meguru hibi no naka
Watashi ni nokoru no wa
Kioku sore to mo boukyaku darou ka
Yagate sekai ni wa
Nemuri ga otozurete
Hitori hitori no ashita ni kaeru
Erabareta mirai o
Miokuru tobira
Negai ga kanatte mo
Wasurenaide wasurenaide
Kieru sekai ni mo
Watashi no basho ga aru
Sore o shiranai jibun de sae mo
Omoidasu made wa…
What do I desire?
I ask
It wasn’t a lie that I don’t need anything
Even in a vanishing world
There’s a place for me
Even though I don’t know it
My confined consciousness
Ties time together
And repeatedly wishes
That until we meet again, please don’t forget
Within the days that come around
What remains in me
Is a memory, or is it oblivion?
Before long, in the world
Slumber will visit
And each of us will return to our respective tomorrows
At the door where I see off
The chosen future
Even if your wish is fulfilled
Please don’t forget, please don’t forget
Even in a vanishing world
There’s a place for me
Even though I don’t know it
Until I recall it…
thank atashi soushi
During an interview I was once asked: "If you were to die tomorrow, would you have any regrets Mr. Siluk?" And I answered, "Only one sir." And he asked "...yes, and what would that be?" And I answered, "If only the world could have be bigger." [A remembrance.] D.L. Siluk
Advance: Under the best of circumstances, you always think things will turn out right, somewhere further down the road that is. I suppose it is just a natural thing; I mean we can't live on negativism, now can we. But change the environment a little, especially cultural environments, in my case go to where your mates surroundings are [Japan] and see what changes what, things are not always the same way then; the answer my rest in: can you adjust or can she, and there is always a they involved someplace. In my case Kikue could adjust in the United States, and with my friends and family, but I'm getting ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning, somewhat.
My lady friend met me in Istanbul, Turkey, and we wrote letters for two years, then we met in person when she visited me in the United States for another two years--off and on (for a week first, then two weeks, then three weeks), and then I went to Japan, her turf, and things changed. Thus, the relationship went on this way for, four years. In-between I learned how to write Japanese in all its three styles, quite well: an achievement in itself.
Kikue: she is Japanese, a small woman, with short black hair, fair looking, sincere, and she became a Christian Buddhist, from a Buddha Buddhist, during our dating period. So we both achieved something out of this relationship, if not wisdom and some good times, along with a wobbly friendship.
I suppose if we all could see down the road of life, we'd not venture down it perhaps: maybe it is a bigger gift from God than we give Him credit for. This story I'm about to tell you has a few life lessons in it for me. On one hand, it was nice relationship between us, on the other, thank God I had enough insight to step away from it when I saw, felt instinctively I had to; consequently, I acted on my instincts; a harsh decision but it was turning into a harsh relationship. I firmly believe we are given certain natural traits, mental, neurological, and instinctive, whatever they are, they tell you which way to move; I also believe you should trust them.
In this story you are about to read, you are going to get the end in the beginning because to me, it is only the six days in Japan that count in this ongoing, four year relationship, and the last day in Tokyo, that made the difference; I mean that really matters in the long run. Had I not made the decision I did make, I did on the last day, I'd not be writing this story, as it is here; it might have had to be named different, and I'd have had to add a lot more adjectives to the story. Nobody is to blame for this, not me, not the other person involved. I'm sure she's better off, for the ending that occurred.
The story starts off in July 1999, I'm about to leave Minnesota, flying into San Francisco, and over to Japan. This is really a story that is extended beyond Japan, for after I leave Japan, I will go to Guam, Bali, and Java, then back again through Japan to go home to St. Paul, Minnesota (halfway around the world). But again I say it is Japan I am speaking of for the most part.
Chapter one: Tokyo, Day One and Two
Tokyo: home to eight million people, of its 130-million residents [1999]; there is a lot of energy in Tokyo, and the very young seem to have control of it. I wanted to get a massage the first day I walked about the city's sidewalk, ten-minutes for ten dollars, but I couldn't, it was so busy, with people jumping off the trains, eating lunch, standing in lines to get a massage, and back to work, just watching the activity tired me out. Matter-of-fact, they even have punching bags in the gyms, usually in the lower levels of the buildings, in some employment places to get your anger out, instead of getting it out on your boss: a different world indeed.
Kikue had taken me from the airport to have dinner at a nice restaurant someplace in Tokyo, then we met her sister, whom was fighting with her about having me over in Japan, and staying with me overnight, and wanting to marry me; the fight went on in the hallway by three café's, and the train station not far from sight; for two hours they fought, and left me pace in circles, and told me to just wait and be patient, and get away from them. I think she wanted her to marry a Japanese man, as I'd find out later her whole family was against me marrying a Japanese, none of them made me feel welcome.
Then we headed to our hotel, a kind of apartment, where you had to provide your own linens, pots and pans. There we'd stay for two days. And as we left the building the following morning day-two, all I really wanted to do was walk the streets a bit, see what Tokyo was like. I was hungry, and we looked in a few stores on the way to the bus, and got some candy, coke and a sandwich out of vending machines along the way; they are everywhere. And so that is what we did as soon as we went from the airport, on to several trains to get to our apartment, had a good sleep and found ourselves in day two.
As the day progressed on day two, people were very kind to me, matter-of-fact, I didn't seem to think they even saw me; they were too busy going here and there. I would find out by the end of this first day the system of the trains, which you had to hang on for dear life to the loops hanging down overhead, if indeed you were lucky, you'd get a seat. I can't figure it out, but half the folks on the train were sleeping, and when their stop came, they woke up from the dead: they were on automatic recall.
We'd have to take a bus later on, and then a taxi to her girlfriends house, where she gave me a session of acupuncture, free of charge, and when I got back on the train thereafter, I collapsed on the floor. My whole body was limp like a noodle. Thus, that would end my acupuncture days.
It was a nice month to be in Japan though, it was July, and it was summer, and it was hot. Tami was where we'd go the second day, where most of her family lived, in the afternoon that is. And so after a stroll downtown, we caught another train to Tami.
Day Two
In the afternoon of Day two, I met the whole family at a nice restaurant, and got the third degree: "Why do you want to marry my daughter?" Her mother asked. Her sister next to me asked, "Do you really love her or is she just a thing for you?" This interrogation went on for two hours one voice after the other, there were about ten folks present representing the core of her family, and then I broke down and put my hands on the table and pounded lightly saying, "You people are very rude to me, and I'm through answering questions."
I pardoned myself, and went to the bathroom. And that was that. Now we were equally in frustration. Kikue didn't say all that much. But from the phone calls I made to her from Minnesota to Japan [in the last part of the year], the father slamming the phone down, as well as the mother, I came back and let them know they were double rude for the insults over the phone as well. They did apologize for that, and was a bit embarrassed that I brought it up. But it was over as far as I figured, over now that is. I had dreaded this moment, knew it was coming, but couldn't avoid it; I'm not sure how Kikue took it, she was quite passive during the ordeal.
That evening she took me to her place of work, the hospital, and I found out the cab was a dollar a block. Tami city was a new looking city to me, very clean, too clean, almost as if it was not even lived in. But we had time that evening to go to an art show, where her sister had her art exhibited. It was mostly of flower-patterned items well done but not my cup of tea. She was kind enough to give me one.
In the morning we had things to do, and buses to take, and trains to catch, but she wanted me to meet her friends [women] at a small gift shop one owned by her friend, and so I did, we all four then sat at a cozy table by a garden and a glass window separating the garden from us, and had coffee and crackers. Again the Japanese can be good hosts, just make sure the family is ok with mixed blood. I purchased some postcards, and then we had to get back to our apartment, and on our way to Kyoto.
Chapter Two: Day Three and Four
[Kyoto: Nanzen-ji; Ginkaku-ji; Gion]
Of all the cities I was in while in Japan, which were perhaps several, Kyoto was my favorite. Before we left Tokyo, we stopped in at Chofu, at the Jindaiji Temple-- actually we visited several temples, and a Japanese castle Japanese Castle in Nogoya, where we went to the international sumo tournament; but here at this temple the pigeons seem to like me, and flew around me like mosquitoes. From here we went on to Nogoya.
Sumo wresting, or this international tournament we attended cost $500 a seat, and we sat in the third tier, 9th row. Nothing is cheap in Japan, and everything is different; perhaps that is what you are paying for. Sumo wrestling is like soccer is in Peru, or baseball in America, number one sport.
I really enjoyed it, and we stayed to the very end, and I got to meet a few of the wrestlers. From there we went to the Castle, got a little lost, and found our way to the bus, no trains from here on in, to Kyoto.
Kyoto: Nanzen-ji; Ginkaku-ji; Gion
Of all the temples in Japan, this one was the most impressive by far, Sanmon (Mountain Gate) of Nanzen-ji. Here, on the site where the temple was rebuilt, taken from an old site was an ancient Nanzen-ji Viaduct, again most impressive, with its many arches underneath it.
In Gion, there is a red temple known as Yasaka-jinja (Gion):
not as impressive as Nanzen-ji, but inspiring nonetheless. And once walking down Gion, you see its many Yasaka-jinja Lanterns, again extraordinary; this whole area, city and all was unusual, as was the Yasakano Pagoda, I saw from a distance. I wanted to see it closer and so the taxi drove by it, but we didn't have time to get out and explore the Japanese Tower.
It was late afternoon when we arrived in Kyoto, and we went right to a temple, and on to our sleeping arrangements, a Ryokan Inn. I wanted to see the Geon district and a Geisha badly, but I'd have to wait until tomorrow.
The Ryokan; a cobblestone alleyway led to this small [guesthouse, house, or inn of sorts], in Japan, it is called a Ryokan, with sliding doors; the room is clean, uncomplicated, a table with cushions; a hanging scroll as a centerpiece. No swimming pool or weight room, not anything like the five start hotels in New York City; we had reservations, not sure if we needed them. I would call their room minimalism, but its simplicity was beautiful and different, even the sound of the sliding doors made me feel like I was in Asia. They had even a place for my shoes, while I put on wooden sandals. Strange I thought, but cool. Kikue made all the arrangements. Some of these simple rooms cost up to $800 a night. The Ryokan date back to 1603 AD [the Edo period]; by tradition these are called Inn's, and come in all sizes, mine was small, original wooden inn authentic I would say.
We stayed two days in the Ryokan, and used that as a steppingstone to other activities throughout the area. Meeting with Kikue's girlfriend in Kyoto, and going to the temple, Lunch for $100, and to the Geon District. Lunch was an assortment of foods, all Japanese cuisine that never got me full.
The aqueduct at the temple site was most impressive. But again I wanted to see Geon, and after lunch we all went there, and the girlfriend parted with us, having to go back to work. Kikue and I walked up and down the streets. We then went into one of the Geisha guesthouses, and an older Geisha gave us a tour of the place: most kind she was. And as we left I met a Geisha, a lovely young women, I seen her again in six months, in a book someone would write about Geisha's, a small world isn't it. Kikue was a little disturbed I wanted to have this experience, but then she overlooked it. After dinner we went to the Tower of Kyoto, it was closed but I snuck all the way up, via, the stairway to the top. Then back down again.
That night we had a fight on the streets of Kyoto, after dinner at a Chinese Restaurant and I had some resistance to g back into the Ryokan but I did after walking up and down the cobblestone street trying to get my composure back, there was, it seemed, a lot of little things bothering both of us.
In the cozy little Inn, someone left the door open to their room, and it was hard not to look in as I passed by glanced in, and here they were, humping away like two camels; making love (Girl and boy) like there was no tomorrow, on a black rolled out whatever on the hard wooden floor; I stopped looked for a minute, and they were as white on rice, doggie style, and they looked at me looking at them, and they smiled. I caught my breath, and put myself in second gear to get moving, as they motioned me to join them, and I found my room quickly which was next to theirs: and had to listen to some moans and groans and I celebrated with them, via, through the walls.
The following morning, day five we had to go back to Tokyo, but had to make a stop on the way. At the train stop, I had an episode, I have MS, and so my spine acted up, it was very painful, and so I laid down on one of the benches, while Kikue rubbed my back. It looked a bit weird, but it did the trick.
KissXSis episode 5 subbed english Here!
